Before I doze off, I just want to share the week that I had. Well, I've been productive this week. I worked from 12am-9am 4 days this week, I was absent from work on Monday because of severe back pain (well I got really tired from a trip and my body was really sore so I decided not to go to work last Sunday night, technically for my Monday 12am-8am shift). Moving on, I'm learning a lot at work. I mean, im still learning how to strategise at work and still on practicing the basics. I organised my clothes and cleaned my closet last Tuesday; changed my bed sheets and went to church last Wednesday ; Washed my bed sheets and clothes last Thursday. Productive for me. Also ran errands for my mum.
On the other hand, I received a message from my eldest brother. He's kinda setting my expectations. He was saying maybe they would no longer be able to come home for the holidays as planned because my sister in law got pregnant. When I read the message, I felt this little sadness. Hey don't get me wrong, I'm so excited about my sister in law getting pregnant and have a new additional angel in the family. Thing here is that, I really miss us. Being complete and stuff. You know, distance hasn't been really good for quite some time and it's been like ages ago since I had a complete family picture. It was like when my Eldest brother comes home, the other is out of the country. Vice versa. And now it's like the same with Mama. It's like there's always something missing in the house. Looking at our dull Christmas tree, how I wish we can be complete this Christmas. Yeah. How I wish.
I was walking around at the mall later on the evening with my boyfriend Patten, looking for some christmas decorations so for at least our little home will be a little ready for Christmas. But, I ended up almost in tears. I just thought of ....Christmas is just right around the corner, and I'm missing "us" more. I was trying my best to be silent and keep my mouth shut so my tears won't fall. Patten knew about it. He's always the first person to know if I'm having my own predicaments. He tried to find my way to divert my attention. Well I knew how to handle such.
If you know me, I'm the type who is very optimistic and despite my world's twists and turns, I manage to look on the brighter side. Don't get me wrong, I know Christmas is about Jesus. But I hope you do know that in most families, it's the time when they can bond, exchange all the hugs and kisses, and to the family I have, it's also the season that we always look forward to so we can be together physically.
So yes, it's really sad not having my mom for Christmas since I know she's been struggling at the moment because of work, her sickness, and menopausal issues. (he-he). It's sad that my excitement to see my brother and his family has just gotten back to zero. I've been really excited about them coming home with my sil and her bump.
Another thing is, I'll be sad if I wouldn't be able to spend the holidays with Patten which is also our anniversary time. We're turning four this year but what really makes me sadder is that.. There's a possibility that they won't be able to visit London and spend Christmas with their family. And were still hoping that they'd get to spend the holidays there. I know how it feels not to have a complete family on a Christmas day. Let's be natural and true. We all want a complete family to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
If you're in the same situation, you'd know what it's like to be eager to see a complete family picture. Yes, I have my reasons to be sad. It's human nature. On the lighter note, I still want to say I still have the best reasons in the world to be happy this coming holidays.
One: I wished one thing to happen this year. I wished that God gives me this thing because I want to have the best christmas this year. I told The Big boss about the specific gift that I only want this year. Best gift, my license. Meann becoming a Registered Nurse. My first Christmas as a registered nurse. I will be celebrating it with my professional license.
Two: there's a new angel on it's way. You guys know how much I love my nephews. They're the whole world to me. Hearing the news about my sister in law's pregnancy, wow! I was having my tears of joy when I saw the picture of her positive pregnancy test on facebook. We all hope it's a bouncing baby girl because we still don't have any little princess at home and that makes me the unica hija (still the unica hija).
Three: I just knew about mama feeling alot better. She's been feeling bad lately and hearing that she's doing good at the moment is a bit of a relief. We may not be spending the holidays but for us here, we want her to be fully healthy. God is forever great and there's a line up of Christmas celebrations that we will be spending together on the coming years. (Wow. Glad to have said those words, but my little brother Franz, Papa and yours truly really miss you Mama so please stay strong for us).
Four: I'm also excited about a new baby. I love Patten's family. His cousin Tots and his wife Aiza, (which became good friends of mine) are expecting a baby girl on Christmas Eve! They already have a name for her. She'll be called Erin Kelsi. I love babies and I know the couple really experienced a roller coaster ride, so as a good friend, and as a family, I want to be there for them.
Five. We are turning four on the 29th of December. Its been a sweet and rough roller coaster ride for us. Ill always be grateful that I found a better half in Patten. Quite cheesy.
Six. I don't know what's on my sixth list. Yes, I have my reasons to be sad and the major reasons were said here, some are a little private and too personal so better be left unsaid.
I always have my reasons to be happy. God loves me so much and I trust His love and plans for me and for the people I love. I guess that's the sixth reason. You know, I did a lot of praying and working hard this year, and at the moment God has never failed to give what I'm praying for. But there's an exception, the things that are out of my control, like my mom and my brothers not being here on christmas. There are some exceptions. But so far, when I ask God for something and work hard for it, He gives me what I want. God is too Great. That's the reason why I strive harder now because when I work hard for something, God finds ways so he can give me the fruit of my hardwork. God spoils me too much that's why I try my best to return His love by striving hard and love others. God blessed me a lot this year. I say a lot. By being too blessed, God always gives me quizzes which I think I passed His previous quizzes with flying colours.
To the end this, I hope you do understand the reasons why I'm becoming a little drama queen for the coming celebration of Christ's birth. Let me just say as an ending of this very personal blog, "I trust Your love and Your plans for me, Father".
P.S I started scribbling these words out last night, 11:30 pm and I didn't realise i fell asleep. Continued this past 4am and it's 6:08am. It's Sunday and Ill try to get back to slumber and have a date with my God later. Stay blessed, folks. My heart has it's own reasons that reasons wouldn't understand so there you go.
Love,
the little kid
