Happier with my life.

just this morning, I realized that I should shun all forms of my little insecurities. And just feel good about who I really am. I have been a little hard on myself for almost one and a half year. I have quandaries that I have been keeping to myself. Those predicaments that have been pushing me down. Those predicaments, that will be left unsaid. I was almost at the peak of giving up. But God has always has His ways. I was breaking. My soul was halfway dying. But Jesus saves.

I wont deny how bad I felt on myself. I dont feel insecure with others, only with myself. And I wont deny that certain fact. And I was really struggling.

There has come a point that I was not happy with myself anymore. But I am not ashamed of having felt that way. This is a real world. And I am learning. Hey, dont get me wrong. I have a beautiful life. But I screwed up. That's why I struggled.

I was weak for quite sometime, but I am stronger now. I have learned from my defeats. Yeah, defeats.

I don't need to tell the world my Life's Most Heart Breaking Point. I just want the world to know how I am standing and facing this world. Proud and Blessed. God has just continued to mend my broken soul and has forgiven me.

I did a lot of thinking, realizations as well. I am happy. I am blessed. And I am thanking God for those struggles. Truly, I have learned a lot.

I am no insecure. I am no extraordinary. I just feel good. I choose to feel good. And I choose to be happier because I create my life's happiness.

:)





 

Wishlist.

My 2011 Wishlist. Setting aside my wish for others.

 

1.  Pass the Nursing Licensure Exam Take One. (May it be July or December)

2. COMPLETE FAMILY. I miss seeing us ''complete''. 

3. CANON 550D. 

 4. Pair of Nike.

5. OUT OF TOWN. Oh. Please.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM :)

A real beauty Queen.

WHAT: Mutya ng Lipa Reception, Coronation and Ball

When: January 19, 2011 7:00pm12mn

Where: Plaza Independencia, Lipa City

 Who: Maria Kristina Pena Katigbak

What a beautiful night. We are so happy for our friend, Keena. She's stunning. A true Pinay beauty.

''Her invariably good origins notwithstanding, our Queen's Shining Quality is her SIMPLICITY'

We are really proud of you, our Mutya! :-)

Sharing some photos.

 Thanks to my Sister-in-Law Ate Apple for the little makeover. Just the way I wanted.

 

Hello to the little stranger we met along the street. Peace, kid!

 KEENA! Her gown was mind-blowing.

 L-R: Luis, Dominic, Kuya Patrick, Jaica, Me, Patten, Sir Brian, Alvin

I LOVE THEM.

Keena's grandma was also a Mutya ng Lipa way bacck =)

Saying Hello to my very sweet date. Love you, Ten! <3

P.S A PROUD FRIEND OF THE MUTYA NG LIPA 2011 :)

Blissful week.

What a great week, Indeed! 


The days of this week passed by smoothly and lovely. Cant wait to share this week's highlights.


Monday.
I was not really in the mood of attending our 7:00-11:30am Lecture. The reasons why I only attended the class were: 1. I thought that there will be a class observation by our Dean , 2. I thought there will be exams (as announced the night before) 3. There's this requirement that should be passed. Things that were supposed to happen that day. Had fun at school though. :P


Tuesday.
I was running late for school. I got in the room past 7am. I guess I was like 15 or 20mins late. Geez. Haha! The Long Test Exam was about to start. Haha. So what I got was....


We had a quiz afterwards. Passed it again.


Heading Home.
Met up with Dominic and Pat, 'bout to rent a barong for Keena's Coronation the following day.


Had a fight with Pat. Which I did learn alot. Oh, I love you Boy! :>


Wednesday.
So lazy to go to school but I needed to. 
Passed the notebook. And I got!!!!!!!!!! 100% :>


Shared my girl quandaries to Len and Heads. Oh, Love you girls!


Heading Home.
Met up with Pat to buy shoes and stuff for Keena's Coronation. We have to be presentable cos we are guests. LOL. 


My first time to be wearing a 5''heels. Oh C'mon! :>


Past 4 in the afternoon. I went to my Sister-in-law to have myself beautiful for the night. (kidding). I love how she puts on makeup on me. The makeover was fun. I really looked like a girl. I decided to look simple. I really dont want to be overdressed or whatever cause' that isnt my night, it's Keena's. I dont want to be that ''attention getter who happens to be annoying''. Hate it. 


Next. I went down the stairs to see my beautiful guy friends. Haha.Oh guys, love you! And they've been trying to tell me 'STRAIGHT BODY''. Kuba kasi ako. Haha. Next. Was in the car with Jaix, Kuya Pa3k and Patten. Went to Keena's grandfather's house for dinner. The food served were way lip smacking. 


Next. Went to Plaza Independencia where the Coronation and Ball will be held. Gaahd. We passed by and shook hands with prominent Lipenos. Wow. 


Sat next to Krizha and Trixie. Took alot of photos. And here comes the Mutya! Keena was stunning. A very simple Pinay beauty. She was so gorgeous in her shimmering gown. Really reflected her innocence. Very Pinay! We are so proud of you, Keena!! 


Past 12. IM HOME! Thanks to Patten. For appreciating everything. *kilig* 


Thursday.
 Went to school ngarag, bangag, malag. It's our Midterm exam. I was sleepy. But the exams went very smooth. 


Seen the results of the exam on the review. Not bad. Was surprised at my first attempt. Haha! :D


Friday.
Review day! 
The instructors were so damn good. I never felt bored. Thumbs up! I learned a lot.


I was on the jeepney (heading to the bustop) when it rained hard. I had no umbrella with me. I was just praying that may the rain cease a bit as soon as I get out on the jeep. And yes. It did! I thought I will be going home really wet and dirty. Yay!


Saturday.
Hello Weekend! Went to Vibes. Oh thanks for the very relaxing massage, Ate Agnes! 


IT WAS JUST A BEAUTIFUL WEEK. I love you, Lord! 


P.S Just saying and sharing :P

Pause

HEY! I found this in my multiply. I wrote on December 28, 2008 around 4:43 in the morning. 


HERE.


entitled: Pause

Alright. You know attending the SIMBANG GABI every 4 am--- AYOS! Com'on. I chose to attend the 4 am mass--  instead of attending the 8pm mass being held just here near our home. So there.  For a simple reason. GUSTO KO LANG ng nagising ako ng umaga. Starting the day with the Lord.

BANGIS. The fact na kahit wala kang kasama sa pagsimba paminsan lalo na when you're beating the extra extra cold weather (the fact na noone's gonna hold your hand just so tight syempre you cant hug naman sa Church no, Helo! ).-- MASAYA RIN PALA.

Okay. First, I have this little sharing. Kanina, when I was listening kay Father Mandanas sa Sermon. WOW! Sabe ko. ALL EARS on him.

Eto yung first line na binitawan niya when he started his Sermon:

Nung nilikha tayo ng Diyos, isinama niya ang kakayahan nating MAGMAHAL.

Tapos eto pa. Nagkwento si Father ng scenario na ganto:

Anak: Tatay, bakit niyo po pinakasalan si Nanay? ( Ayos yung bata no?)

Tatay: Bakit mo ba tinatanong?

Anak: E bakit nyo nga po pinakasalan si Nanay?

Tatay: Ah basta! Ano ka bang bata ka ha. Bat kaba nagtatanong.

Anak: Ano po bang basta? E bakit niyo nga po pinakasalan si Nanay?

Tatay: E bat ka ba tanung ng tanung?

Anak: Gusto ko nga po malaman. Bakit niyo nga po pinakasalan si Nanay?

Tatay: E basta, mahal ko siya.(YIHEE! )

Anak: E bakit niyo po mahal si Nanay? (KULIT MO KID)

Tatay: E basta, hindi ko alam. Basta, mahal ko yang nanay. Basta. At hindi ko kayang maisip kung hindi siya ang kasama ko. (That was not the exact linya pero ganan yung sabe, ok?)

Tapos there. Na-cut, si nanay naman e dumating. Tapos sha naman ang kinulit ni Anak, the same thing. So ang kulit kulit.:D

Sabe ni Father: Mahiwaga ang pagmamahal. Sadyang mahiwaga ito.

Kung nagmamahal ka lang dahil sa Pera, sa Ganda, sa Gwapo. LAHAT YAN DI MAGTATAGAL. Ang nagtatagal ay yung mga bagay na HINDI NATIN MAUNAWAAN.

Pause..

 Napaisip ako dun ah? Ha Father? Yung mga bagay na di naten maunawaan. Hmmm..

Pero guys. You know, like Joseph. Hindi man niya naunawaan noon kung ano yung plano ba noon ng Dyos when Mama Mary happened to be preganant, But. Hey. It's the will of the Lord. MAHIWAGA, DI MO MAN MAUNAWAAN, But hey. In God's perfect timing, you'll find the best answers sa mga bagay na di mo man maintnndhan. Just FOLLOW HIM. At sobrang mahal ka lang ng Diyos. Kahit hindi man natin maunawaan kung ano man ba talaga ang gusto nya for us. In times na we get a little confused. Hey. MAHAL LANG TAYO NG Diyos. Lets just trust His plans. :

God sees my light.

(From my facebook account)

On this day, God wants you to know

... that when you feel down, look at yourself through God's eyes. There are times when no matter how hard you try, you just cannot accept yourself as you are. During such times, think of how you look to God's eyes. In God's eyes, there is no judgment, there is only acceptance. God sees your light when all that you can see are your shadows. God loves you more than anyone could ever love you as you really are.

I needed this. Thank you, Father. This really explains how I feel. 

Losing grip?

Da da da. In the midst of all the chaos we're going through, I still love you. 


Sometimes I just cant understand. Why does it always has to be me? From the very beginning, I have loved you. I have loved you with all my heart. With all my heart that you know every little thing I did to fix everything right.


Sucks that it always has to come to the point that we'll crash each other's hearts. I know how much you love me. I will always be thankful for your love. For your care. 


But Please know. I have dreamt of being treated like a real lady. Just how you treat others. I am still your girl. I KNOW YOU HAVE ALL YOUR QUANDARIES but please let me share mine.


I want you to really be careful of me. The way you handle me or caress me in your way. I still want that kind of sweet touches from you. 


Don't ever get me wrong. I know how you feel. But have you ever listened to my point? Not because you are the guy, it'll always be you. Have you really listened to the things inside the core of my heart? How aware are you that you really are hurting me so bad right now? 


I don't intend to get mad at you. I know alll my wrongdoings. But please know yours. It'll not always be all about my faults. You may say I am too much, but have you assessed yourself? Really?


You, for the most part, are my biggest source of happiness. And it kills me knowing that you are that certain person that can get me wounded at the same time. 




I apologize for becoming this worst. With all my heart, I want you to know how sorry I am. I guess my being worst has turned you off. 

I am putting my heart into this. 

I would never give up. Why should I. But just like you, I am a human being. Hurting. I dont know when will you be able to read this, because really. At this point in time now, you made me speechless.

I wanna hug you tight at this moment.

I wanna kiss you assuming that everything was just right.

I wanna hold your hand just like the old times.

I wanna take care of you, the way I have been wanting you to be taken care of.

I wanna share these teardrops with you cause I know you would somehow wipe these tears away.

I wanna tell you everything that's inside of me, but will you listen?

I wanna ask you if can we just forget those things?

I wanna let you know that I have no intentions of hurting you. 


But, I just cant. I am choosing to be in silence. Cos maybe, in my silence. Everything will be alright.


P.S. I sincerely apologize. Please always know that I love you.I dont want to give up. Losing my grip, but still trying a knot and hanging on. 

SHIELD in Silence

JANUARY 17, 2011

Happy Birthday to the first man in my life. The man who has loved me constantly and unconditionally since I got into the very secured womb of my loving mother. The man whom I may never have looked up to the most but made me realize that his love for me is undying and taught me so many lessons in this very deceitful land. 

We don't agree on plenteous things, we argue but at the end. It's his arms where I can find all the comfort. I know how much He loves me. His protection has given me a lot of security.

I wish he knows how much I love him. I owe him this life. Without his beautiful genes, I wouldnt be here. Living a normal life. Without him, I wouldnt be able to see how great God created the earth. And without him, life will be alot harder.

A Father's love is incomparable.I thank you for all these years, you stood by me. You got all the guts in the world to be a ONE GREAT PAPA.

Happy Birthday, PAPA! Mahal kita!

YOU ARE MY SHIELD. (in silence)

Geez.

Hello, Randomness again.

Know what, I am really tired. I had my duty this week at OLCMC which by the way is a hassle getter. A body killer actually. I am really pissed tonight that my tears wanted to come out. But not this time.

First. As what I have said, it has been a stressful week.

Second. We had Sunday class/review. Sucks to know that I havent had complete rest since Monday.

Third. I am glad I attended the review class cos I learned alot.

Fourth. Someone just told me that I should blend in on that night. Dont you think in the way carry myself I will not be able to blend in? Damn. Cos that came from you.

Fifth.I DONT WANT PEOPLE to choose something for me. Decide for me.On how will I dress, whatever. COS THIS IS MY LIFE YOU KNOW? We're different. So dont make me be like you. Okay? 

Sixth. I have loads of things to get done. I ONLY GOT MYSELF to help me through this.

FUCK that people can not really understand. Holy cow. I am now crying my heart out into this cos NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND. That's bullshit you know?

Seventh. I STILL FEEL BLESSED TODAY. I attended the Holy Mass alone. Teary eyed. I knew, after all. I am still blessed. And.. Yes, I really am.  

Thanks my blogspot, you're always there to listen and take all my dramas.

Grilled Intestines.

Hello to a lip-smacking merienda. ISAW (grilled chicken intestines) ! plus 2 and a half cups of rice. YEAHH. Perfect when you're hungry. YUMM-EHHHH =) 

P.S: Isaw is a street food from the Philippines, made from barbecued pig or chicken intestines. The intestines are cleaned, turned inside out, and cleaned again, repeating the process several times. They are then either boiled, then grilled, or immediately grilled on sticks.

VERY PINOY! 

Sunday's Entropy.

Say Hello to the stochasticity of the day. The entropy of the thingmabobs that happened today (even upto the moment i'm writing this post) really brought stochastic modalities in me. 


First. I watched a basketball game here in the Subd and I'm cheering for my Father and Bf's Team. My first time to totally scream my lungs out. They lost. But, I had fun. 


Second. Almost forgot to pick up the sewn masks. Good thing, the seamster hasn't gone somewhere. (HASSLE)


Third. My fave team Bmeg won. Also Ginebra. I've been wanting to really see the teams on the Championship. (YAHOO)


Fourth. It was good to see Pat very protective and did a thing that he hasn't done for me. It means a lot. In return, I showered him with warm clinches. 


Fifth. Shocked. Hypothetically dismayed. I hate things that are going off bounds when it comes to friendship. The people so close to you are having this fight that you'd never want them to get indulge in. I value friendship big time and I would never ever let my friends take everything for granted for just one thing that can be revised over and over. Friendship is important to me. The REAL FRIENDS I make are important to me. At this point, I am praying that God heals the wounded hearts of my friends because I love them and the friendship we built. (SIGH)


Sixth. Sucks that I didnt attend the Sunday Mass. Sorry. (Disappointment)

Seventh. We're actually assigned at OR at OLCMC. Fortunately, our CI cant meet us tomorrow cos' she needs to settle important matters according to her. UNFORTUNATELY, our ever so annoying level coordinator will. She'd be the one giving us the activities for the day. Phbt! 

OOOH, RANDOMNESS .

3 YEARS IN A ROW.

Blah blah blah.

People do fall in love. And sometimes, they can't just stop falling. I

believe I'm one of those.

December 29, 2010. A day to remember.

What: A romantic yet funny surprise that he really deserves

When: Few more minutes before December 29, 2010.

Why: 3rd Year Anniversary

Who: Patrick Allen, Yours Truly

Alright. Little kiddo has a romantic side which she really wanted her

Geek/artist/unpredictably cute guy to see like he has never seen one

before.

There has been plenteous of ideas popping into little kiddo's mind challenging her creativity and idealistic skills. Her neurons got a little distracted which resulted into increase in her dopa secretion resulting in altered motivation as manifested by her looking-super-

excited face. Kidding.

At December 28. They had this little fight. But it didn't hinder little

kiddo's plan.

In the afternoon, after little kiddo went for movie date with her cousins, she went here and there to look for some still fresh-looking petals. Headed to the dry market after and looked for some other thingummies she'll be needing for the surprise. Little kiddo by the way isn't really a fan of walking and beating sun's heat. But as long as she enjoys what she does, she'll go for it. She was able to complete the materials needed past 5 in the afternoon, then headed home to do some cutting outs of the personalized candle lamps. Sucks that i do not know what to call that. Good thing, my two very helpful and more excited as I am cousins were eager to help. Past 7:00pm when little kiddo attempted to play the song she'll be playing in the

surprise for Mr. Unpredictable.

It's almost 8:00pm when your dear kid headed to SM to purchase a cake

and went straight back home.

It's past 9:00pm when I arranged the setting of the surprise. Yahoo. It

was a very dim setting, blackcloth on the floor with petals on it,

the candle lamps on side, beat-box and guitar in front, cake with 36

candles on. Last thing to do: wore a dress.

Past 11;00 pm, here comes my guy. I blind folded him and guided him to

walk through the stairs and had him sit on a chair still blindfolded.

I sat on the chair, got the guitar and told him to take off the mask i

used to blindfold him. I was hypothetically nervous when I see his

face in a 'what-kind-of-surprise-is-this'.. I started the plucking of

the strings and almost laughed out loud when I sang the first line..

Just when I thought I was absolutely nervous. I strummed and almost

forgot the chords.

CANDLES MELTED IN A SNAP

He was smiling at me, trying to look at the kinda romantic setting

while I was still on my singing and strumming slash plucking mode

which I did suck. Sorry about that.

As I sang the last line, I feltl like I'd be speechless. Bang.

He was happy. The smile on his face was technically visible. Made me

feel 'Oh Yes! He loved it'!! We danced too, while the petals touched

our feet.

What's so funny about it? I wore a dress. This little kiddo who

sometimes acts like a tomboy wore a dress surprisingly which really

made the Architect wannabe laughed his ass out.

I was indeed, very satisfied with what I did. Pat deserves that kind

of surprise. I wanted him to feel special, a lot special like the way

he makes me feel that I really am special to him.

It was the cheesiest thing I've done, corniest maybe. But, it takes a

lot of courage to do things like that especially when you are a girl.

And surprises like that are often expected by some jeune fille  who would not

bother to do such 'cos guys must be the one doing that.

But, my unpredictable-geek-athletic-hasthehandsofanartist guy is an

exception to the rule. He deserves that cos he really is special.

Words, romantic thingamajigs, gifts will never be enough.

I just cant stop falling. For three years,    I feel the same old reasons

for loving him. And it grows more everyday.

HAPPY THREE YEARS! 

='>


BTW, the song I sang was: 'Til They Take My Heart Away ='>

HELLO, 2011!

2011. And the new year hasn't really been absorbed by my head. This year for sure will be a lot harder, I know. I havent been thinking about it anyway. But I should be. I'm not a fan of New Year's Resolutions or whatever because I dont want to disappoint myself from not having accomplished any goal. 


I seriously refrain myself from hearing things that awaits in 2011. I thought I wasn't ready though, scared somehow. But, life goes on and I must always be armed enough to face whatever lies ahead. 


2011, I just have one wish: To pass the Nursing Licensure Exam, Take One. It's a big thing. That's the board exam of my life. And I must be able pass it. And I'm determined enough to pass it.


With regards to other things, well.. I just have to do my best.  Whatever lies ahead, I'd be completely geared up. And enjoy this 2011. And just be a blessing to others! 


Get over with 2010. Cherish the past years and the priceless moments on the previous years. Instill in mind all the learnings. Make ourselves better! :-)

Hey, 2011. Now I can finally say.. '' I AM SO READY TO FACE YOU '' :D 

HAPPY 2011! 

More kick-ass times. More love. Loads of peaceful hearts around.

   

Do something to achieve that one great goal :'>

What am i most thankful in 2010.

Allow me to share the things I am most thankful of in 2010. As we say goodbye with breath-taking 2010, let's not forget the things that we really are most grateful of


1.FRIENDS.


Friends that are still you're friends, NO MATTER WHAT.

REUNION with my Senior HS Buds. 

Reunited with Lo and Noy. One of my best guys!

Reunited with the former East B: Sector Core Group.

I must say that they really are one of those who really inspired me, big time!

They are amazing warriors.

MY SISTERSFOREVER. My SISTERS IN CRIME.

Ive been friends with them for 8 years now. And our friendship is forever.

A bestfriend forever. 

Kristine. She's my forever sister. We dont really get to see each other just like the old times, but we know deep within the cores of hearts that we will always be here for each other.

College life wouldnt be any happier without them. Lindsay and Heather.

Two girls, different persona. I love them. I just love being around with L & H.

Amazing ladies whom I know.. Accepts me, big time. 

New found friends in my Chessmates!

Without them, I wont be motivated enough to get the goal.

My weekend buddies.

I'm thankful of them, cause it's hard to really get to be with guys most of the time you weren't close in the first place. But. They truly are one of a kind. They're easy to call, and will get to your side as soon as they can.

My dear Group B.

I've always believed in them. They are true and fierce- less.But If you would know what's in their hearts, you'll be in tears for sure. 

2. The challenges that tear me apart. Challenges that made me way better. 

Let us always find hope and comfort as we go through difficult times in of our lives.

I wouldnt be armed with my 2010 battles without Him being my shield.

3. My Mom getting to Canada to get to work. Although it was heart breaking to see her miles away from us.

I MISS YOU SOBRA.

4. My brother , Doods and his family in Dubai looking a lot happier. I miss them and I wanna shower my nephew Dom with hugs and kisses as soon as they get back.

5. My brother, Frank trying to make up everything for his family.

These are my adorable nephews. Paul and Sean.

Paul, the eldest. Becomes a little timid in the crown when he turned 2. He just loves sitting and playing with his toys or just watching cartoons all day long. He loves taking videos and being taken pictures on. :-))

Sean, the youngest. He's the naughty one and very funny to be with. He enjoys the crowd bigtime. And always wants to be fun of. :-))

My two adorable nephews, and they mean the whole world to me.

6. My boyfriend, Patten got to go back to London for a month and be with his family. I know he's at his happiest state when he's with them :-)

His Fam based @ London.

7. My last year in College being worth remembering.

I got to represent my College and get the gold medal. Plus together with my girl team mates, we brought our College the Championship trophy for CHESS!

I get to participate in our Batch's Grand Case Presentation and our set won as the Best Case.

I was chosen as one of the representatives of our batch to be competing at De La Salle Lipa for another Grand Case Presentation in Celebration of La Salle's College of Nursing's Nurses Week.

And We WON!

Thanking God for all the victories! 

8. Let's not forget the issues that made every Filipino in the world proud. NAKS!

Pacquaios' 8th Boxing Title!

The noisy roads and hi-ways in every corner of our country seems so quiet everytime

 he's on the boxing ring.

Venus Raj's Major Major Outstanding Pinay Beauty!

Azkals on the Go!

Charice on Glee. I never liked Charice in the first place but I am really proud of her. 

and lastly.. I'm proud of every Filipino Voter who participated in May 2010 Elections. I did take time to really face the blazing heat of the sun and wait for hours just to vote for their 'president'.

Although Gibo didnt win, I'm still happy Noynoy won.

9. Im grateful of my boyfriend for 3 years, Patten. He never left me in 2010. Thick or thin, he stood by me.

THE BEST BOYFRIEND Award goes to you :-))